Kitchen Fights
by YojayNizzle
Summary: An AU where Dave and John are neighbors p much and Dave thinks it is okay to break into John's house before he gets back form school.


Kitchen Fights

He was quick to get inside with his lighter and the metal trashcan to put the soon-to-be burned items. Dave was quiet coming through the back door into the kitchen, not wanting to attract attention by making noise. He had left his bags at the foot of the tree in John's backyard. He went straight to the cabinets after laying down his lighter on the table and placing the garbage bin soundlessly in the middle of the kitchen on the white tile.

He tore the cabinet doors open and took hold of all the forbidden Crocker products that he could hold in his arms. He through them into the can and then seized the rest. Dave took a trundle of paper towels and set them on fire and heaved it into the wastebasket on top of all the packages of mixed commodities, letting them catch flame.

John was about half a block from his home, walking happily back from the last day of school. He was smiling and whistling a trivial tune, being as enthusiastic as he was that his bud from Texas was going to be staying with him for a month and a half. He still had no idea how Dave's bro managed to pay for the plane tickets to even get him to Washington. Dave had actually had his concluding day of school, two weeks beforehand and was bragging about it to John.

Dave hoarded everything from the cupboards, positioning the extra boxes on the table and waiting for the fire to die down a little. John's dad was out shopping for more of the ghastly foodstuffs at that same moment so he was the only one in the eerie household.

John rounded the corner and was only a few feet from his yard. He turned into his lawn and pulled out a jingling Green Slime Ghost keychain from his pants pocket. It had his house key and a small flashlight hanging from the key ring. He unlocked his door and let himself in.

"Dad, I'm home!" He called out to nothing. He knew his dad was gone but he did it out of habit anyways. Dave smiled when he heard John's voice and continued to mutilate the remaining boxes.

John smelled something funny and heard the creaking of floorboards. He reached for an abandoned jacket and one of his dad's fedoras and made a quick disguise. He crept slowly into the kitchen to see a Dave burning his dad's Betty Crocker. He slipped off the jacket and hat before stepping all the way in.

"What are you doing?" John asked quizzically.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Dave replied.

"Well," he started, "it looks like you're setting fire to my dad's stuff." He stated. Dave then reached for the Gushers next.

"No Dave, not the Gushers! I know they're BC but they're actually pretty good." He pleaded.

"Sorry John, but it's for your health." Dave replied, behind his shaded sunglasses his eyes were bright with joy to see his old bud. John walked over to the fridge and opened it. He reached inside it and pulled out a bottle of apple juice.

"I bought all this AJ for you, so if you burn those Gushers, I'll pour it all down the drain." He smirked a toothy smirk. Dave just stood there like the cool kid he was.

"I'm calling your bluff." Was all he said. As he said that, John paced over to the sink and unscrewed the cap.

"I wouldn't doubt the all-powerful John Egbert, Mr. Strider." He began to tip the bottle of the apple juice.

"No, John don't, please sacrifice the AJ." He was serious, this was war now. He strode over to John and grabbed his arm, but in doing so he made some of the juice spill out of the bottle. John, nervously, glanced at the tragic loss of precious fruit extract and then back at Dave, preparing to get a beating.

"Y-you made me do that." He said trying to push the blame on his chum.

"I never waste AJ." Dave claimed, with that never-leaving straight face of his.

"Well, you were the one who moved my arm! Thus, making me spill it. Fault, it is yours." He gazed at Dave in worry.

The super-cool kid Dave reached behind him and grabbed a handful of abandoned cookie mix that had spilled onto the counter. John eyed the movement but didn't dare move. He was treated with an anomaly of dry batter to the face. He puckered his lips and closed his eyes to keep the mix from entering.

"Dave!" He whined "What in the actual shit?!"

"You asked for it, man. You wasted a sip of aj, that is not okay," he responded with that coy smirk on his face. John wiped the excess from his chin and cheeks and shook his head to only have more of the powder float down from his crown. Dave loosened his grip and John slipped from his clutch and grabbed the nearest bag of cake mix. He threw a handful at his crony and hid behind the table in the middle of the kitchen.

"This is war." Dave said coolly. He reached for the sack of flour behind him. He flash-stepped behind John and the flour came pouring down atop his messy head.

"Dude! That was so uncool of you." He shrieked while shaking his head.

"The victor, it is me." Dave said. John seized him by the ankle and pulled him down.

"Psh, yeah right, you totally cheated," John accused, adjusting his glasses on his face. Dave just chuckled as his bum hit the floor.

"I'm still the winner. I love beating you in competitions that weren't even suppose to happen," He started, "Dave Strider; Winner of Kitchen Fight x1" He just sat and watched his friend. John was dazing off and was thinking about random movie clip moments where this exact moment happened, the manipulation of baking materials that is.

"You know, in some of the movies that I've watched, this would be the part where the couple would start making out but you know, this is real life." He just smiled to himself. Dave shifted uncomfortably and didn't say anything. John didn't like the silence so he turned to his chum and cocked his brow.

"Why're you all quiet all of the sudden? Aren't you supposed to make some ironic comeback or something?" He questioned. Dave remained quiet. "Dude, seriously, speak," He sighed and stood up. He eyed the kitchen and realized that there was a huge mess to clean up. Dave also stood.

"So are you going to tell me, or are you going to ignore me?" John asked. Dave turned to him after taking the broom and shrugged. John groaned. He wet a rag from the sink and started for the countertops. "You're being weird." He smiled to himself; he thought it was cute. In all actuality, he had like-liked Dave for a while.

"What're you smiling about, Egderp?" Dave asked. John just laughed.

"Nothing." He responded, still grinning his goofy grin. Dave probably wouldn't ever admit it, but he was so confused at the moment. Dave started cleaning up the pile of flour he had made earlier. "Dave, just tell me. It's not like I hold anything against you, anyways." He held a puppy face and Dave couldn't help but to flush a little.

"No, my only weakness is John's cuteness. John, stop." John smiled and walked over to Dave with the rag now abandoned on the stovetop with his lips puckered his eyes big.

"Pweeease?" He looked like a kitten on acid. Dave tried ignoring him by looking up at the ceiling and everywhere else but John.

"You have a nice ceiling John," He began, "and those chairs, and that table. This is actually a pretty awesome kitchen."

"Daaaave! Answer me, pwease? I will use drastic measures of you do not answer me." He said threateningly. Dave just looked away from the now even more adorable Egbert.

"And once again, I call your bluff." Dave said trying to stay cool.

"Dave."

"John."

"_Dave" _

"_John"_

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"You know what."

"No."

"Gosh darn it, Dave. Don't make me do it."

"Do what."

"The thing. Just tell me why you were all weird after I mentioned Romcom kissing!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No." John was done with this and did indeed act upon a drastic measure. He kissed the cool kid right on the mouth. It was only for a second but Dave's eyes widened to the size of a goose egg.

"I told you I'd use drastic measures."

"…" Dave was silent, shocked by the sudden intimate gesture. He flash-stepped to the living room, laying a new stealthy façade over his embarrassment. It isn't like he didn't want it; he just wasn't expecting it, a kiss from his best friend? Man, that doesn't happen everyday, even if it is used as an interrogation technique. He was leaned up against the fireplace and had his eyes closed under his shades, re-evaluating his life. John walked in.

"You kissed me." Dave said, the moment John stepped over the threshold.

"Yeah, what about it?" John asked.

"What about all that 'no homo' shit you always try to pull?" He antagonized.

John sighed, "All I was trying to do was pull the information from you, but even that didn't work. So, yeah, I kissed you. So what."

Dave was really pushing his luck by asking the next thing, "Could…We do it again?"

"Yes."


End file.
